Dialogues are added in Japanese for screenshots.
Better translations from my perspective are bolded.
If neither translation provided a satisfactory translation, a better one will be added at end of each comment in quotes.
Refer to the Grading Scheme for technical evaluation methods.
Daisuki: [HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season – 03 [720p].mkv
Commie: [Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season – 03 [A66A8063].mkv
But in my eyes, you seem like completely different beings.
but from where I sit, you’re worlds apart.
Daisuki’s (HS) translation is really literal and sound awkward compared to Commie throughout.
Almost as if you have nothing in common.
Such that it feels as though you’re nothing alike sometimes.
Although often sounding smoother, commie translations overcomplicate things and get really wordy for no reason in some cases. Also, “sometimes” is not needed nor implied in this line.
I think I understand from this meal you made.
But now that I’ve eaten your food, I get the feeling I understand.
Commie went really literal here, but it works (just a little wordy). HS one sounds very stiff.
“But your cooking made me realize something.”
There’s a difference in awareness of danger between you and Araragi.
Because there’s a very high risk when society knows you’re a “good, virtuous person”.
You two have very different standards of assessing risks.
In our society, letting others find out that you’re a nice person is a very risky move.
Commie translated 「危うい」as “risk”, which was a very poor move since that specific word was used later to explain why it’s a danger.
“You two perceive danger very differently.
Presenting yourself as a good person is a very dangerous move in our society.”
Why do so many people ignore that cat and pass by as if nothing had happened?
Because it’s “dangerous” to give it a burial.
The vast majority of people would ignore it and walk past, as though they didn’t see anything.
And they’d do that because burying a cat could be dangerous.
Senjougahara presents a question and answers herself to prove the point. Rephrasing it as a simple statement sounds far less effective in Commie’s translation.
You don’t feel anything about the ill will people have.
You have no sense of alarm against stupid or bad things.
You don’t see a problem with ill will or malintent.
You aren’t wary of people’s stupidity and uselessness.
The second line is hard to interpret, but both groups managed to get this wrong. This is something that an editor should be able to catch because other people being stupider is not particularly a “danger”, and if it’s “less risk” being a bad person then other people are not stupid.
In the first screenshot, Senjougahara talks about how she doesn’t perceive ill will of other people as danger, and that’s risky.
After a while, she talks about Hanekawa’s lack of wariness toward being different and doing the right thing. The second screenshot contrasts Hanekawa from Araragi, where Araragi is careful about being a nice guy (being stupid and looking weak) by complaining to look like he’s not really a good guy.
It is Hanekawa who appears stupid or weak in the eye of society, and she’s not careful about it.
“You’re indifferent about hostility and corruption.
You’re not careful about appearing stupid or weak.”
Even though you know you’ll distance yourself from others, you try to stay logical.
Despite knowing that you might stand out in a bad way, you always try to be ethical.
Daisuki misheard of misread 「倫理的」(ethical) for「論理的」(logical).
You’re just dull when it comes to shadows.
You just aren’t very perceptive of the dark.
Although 「鈍い」literally means “dull” and 「闇」is literally “darkness” and can be interpreted as “shadows” in English here, they don’t make much sense when put together. “Dull” in Japanese here implies “to be unaware”.
“Darkness” here clearly implies “evil”.
“Shadow” does have that connotation, but I would personally keep “darkness” because of the imagery of a white sugar cube being melted and milk absorbed by black coffee -> white being destroyed/swallowed by black (darkness) to represent Hanekawa’s weakness.
“You’re just oblivious to the dangers of darkness.”
This is a very powerful line to conclude her analysis, that Hanekawa knows evil around her, but she doesn’t care and does the right thing anyway, unlike Araragi who also does good things but try to hide it by acting bad. Hanekawa is indifferent to people trying to exploit her virtuous personality and accepts evil, just as her indifference to dressing in Ep2 (accepts bad taste). Senjougahara was trying to convince Hanekawa that they really can hurt her, just like the white/innocent sugar cube can be melted by black/evil coffee.
The English language and culture are very low-context compared to Japanese, so key points like this one must be elaborated or they wouldn’t make sense or have enough impact as intended.
This is why I consider Bakemonogatari/Monogatari Series to be the toughest shows to translate, because it requires extreme story comprehension skills and the ability to see the whole picture, then effectively emphasize and describe the key themes in English.
You will fail in the wild.
That indicates failure as an animal.
「野生」is literally “wild animal”, but the key here is the “wild” part since a pet or animals in zoo don’t count as「野生」and what she’s trying to say is that she will die (fail) in the wild (harsh society) where it is the survival of the fittest.
In other words, I’m white, I’m too white, I’m pure white. So white… White lies of ignorance.
Basically, I’m white, too white, too pure, and crystal clear.
The key here is the four “whites” that appear in this line to describe Hanekawa’s innocence/virtue, which is not necessary a good thing to have too much. The first three were described early by Senjougahara and pretty straightforward, but the final one 「白々しい」means “shamelessly” in Japanese and consists the kanji “white”. It represents how Hanekawa doesn’t hide her good nature as stated by Senjougahara.
“Basically, I’m bare white, too white, pure white… Shamelessly white.”
I would also consciously avoid making the character say something like “I’m white” because she’s clearly Asian (lol)
He has something to ask you, so he wants you to go to the second-floor classroom at 9 PM, right?
It means Araragi has something to ask you, so he wants you to see him in the second-floor classroom at 6 PM, doesn’t it?
Very careless mistake here by Commie, especially since they typeset the cell phone time correctly as “9 PM”.
Both groups neglected to include “alone” part. I would say that’s kind of important as to why Senjougahara and Hanekawa almost got upset for not being asked for help. Also, majority of this line should be nearly identical to the text message because she pretty much just repeated it.
“It means he had something to ask you, so he wanted you to come to the second-floor classroom alone at 9 PM tonight, right?”
This meeting place of a “second-floor” is too vague.
Second-floor classroom?\NHe’s being too vague about where I should meet him.
Commie had a line break, which caused 40 non-special character length text to be stuffed in less than a 2-second time frame (worse than 60 in 3.3 sec if they didn’t break the line). It’s often better to just not line break for insignificant scene transitions, and this line break inevitably made the total character counts longer to get two full sentences.
If I had to, I would just use
forced condensation rather than…
Having to force the audience to pause.
All so that you can have two whole sentences that even a moron can see are parts of the same sentence.
Don’t you think it’s more serious based on his wording?
Uh, don’t you think the contents seem a bit more serious?
「文面的」is literally “content-wise”, but here it’s the wording of the content. The content of the text message can be implying that Araragi is preparing for a surprise or whatever rather than anything serious.
There must be some need for Araragi to specifically text Kanbaru.
Araragi sent Kanbaru that text because he felt the need to,
In context, the word “specifically” must be added. Commie’s line doesn’t exactly sounds like Hanekawa had been excluded, unlike the Japanese line.
So it’s unreasonable for me to be mulling over him asking Kanbaru for help instead.
so having an issue with him looking to her for help instead of me\Nis just unreasonable.
This is one of those times when line break is a must. The word “unreasonable” was strongly emphasized in this sequence.
「不愉快」is a very strong distaste for something. “Annoying” is a bit too weak word for it. I would go as far as “This is unacceptable.”
That’s right. Meow.
Daisuki pretty much didn’t try to add random cat onomatopoeia into her speech. Although Commie’s version is much more harder to read, I prefer ones that actually tried.
Whoa, sorry. Even if I’m telling you this, it’s not like you can help.
Oh, I’m so sorry. There’s no point in complaining to you about this.
Daisuki Engrish again
You’re pretty moist anyway, Tsubasa.
Seriously, Tsubasa. You’re too risque.
「水っぽい」sounds like more casual way of saying「水臭い」, which means being too reserved and acting like a stranger. Daisuki version makes absolutely no sense when said, because it doesn’t sound like something you would accidentally misuse a word for, at all.
“You can ask us for anything, Tsubasa.” or “Think of us as family, Tsubasa.”
<truly talented people> are surprisingly ordinary when you talk to them. They have no auras.
<truly talented people> tend to be surprising normal when you talk to them. They don’t tend to put on airs at all.
「オーラ」(“aura”) here means someone who’s inherently charming or has something intangible that makes them seem different.
“<truly talented people> are surprisingly ordinary when you actually talk to them. They’re usually not charismatic at all.”
It feels like I avenged someone who died in Edo way over in Nagasaki.
I suppose this is how Little Red Riding Hood must’ve felt when she found the big bad wolf.
This line is a common Japanese expression meaning finding someone in an unexpected place (and having cleared a grudge). Commie’s westernization works pretty well here.
I guess my master put some thought into it.
Coming from my master, that is a rather good idea.
This line in Japanese implies her master is not someone who is very bright, but actually came up with a good plan.
but I’m only my mistress’s hidden personality. I can’t look dignified and stuff.
but at the end of the day, I’m only my meowster’s dark side. I can’t be taking center stage.
Another literal translation gone wrong. It just means “can’t be getting any attention”.
Tigers usually are. Smaller would be better.
Most tigers are. A smaller one would weed out more options.
Severe context error in Daisuki translation again. It means “small tiger would’ve been easier to identify.”
An apparition that takes animal form yet speaks…
A beast oddity that can talk, huh?
Logic error in Commie’s translation. Hanekawa’s oddity is technically an animal as well, but it’s not unnatural that it can talk because it takes sort of a human form.
Besides, if such an unknown apparition was walking around, there’s no way I wouldn’t notice.
To begin with, there’s no way I wouldn’t have noticed an unknown oddity loitering in this town.
“Unknown” apparition/oddity is a really poor way of phrasing this line. 「正体不明」is literally “unidentified”, and in this context it’s used to mean more like “unworldly” than “unknown”.
“Besides, if such a mysterious oddity was walking around, I would’ve definitely noticed.”
I was very disappointed by Daisuki’s translation and it was sometimes so bad that it was amateurish. On the other hand, Commie’s translation was a lot better than I expected, though it wasn’t exactly good and had many mistakes… Hopefully CR’s massively delayed release would be better.
Grades: Difficulty 8
[HS] – LS3
Major mistakes: 6
Minor mistakes: 7
Overall Grade: C-
[Commie] – LS5
Major mistakes: 3
Minor mistakes: 11
Overall Grade: C+